The Past

   I wake up inside of a hurry, my brain does not think, my hands do the work, I only search my pocket for the key. My hands are jittery as I move quickly, and they smooth over the caved brick walls as I reach for a door, a hidden passageway of some kind. I need to hurry, and I do not know why. It as if my thoughts have been placed before me and I follow the thought, I do as it tells me. I have walked further into the dark, I am not scared while I feel the guidance, my shaking hands does not let go of this key. I feel like this pathway takes two days, maybe three. 

    I have tripped over so many obstacles since I cannot see. I stumble to fall, and I am reaching for everything and anything to grab a hold, the vines I clinch inside of my fist are not strong enough to catch me as my body passes to the ground. My back is arched with something stiff underneath and it takes me a while to wiggle myself back into balance, I roll over onto my belly as I brace myself for the wonder of what poked me. Slight happiness peaks my surprise whenever my hands grip the handle of a large medal door. There isn't any lighting nearby, so I fumble with the small key. This must have taken ages, but I will not budge as I can smell Joe's coffee. I knew it, I knew I'd make it back in time. I cannot wait to drink and to eat, my stomach is rumbling, my toes are frozen, and my mind is not clear.

    I look up around my surroundings as it appears I have fallen through, I'm lying flat on my chest, there is a crowd who glares at me not with excitement, but concern. A large man kneels down before me, but I am so confused. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing makes sense.

People around me who I used to make small talk with are shaking their heads and making phone calls, their bellies chuckle with laughter. 

I'm trying to speak but nothing makes sense, they do not understand me, they cannot hear what I said. I am opening my mouth, and I mean to say I need a glass of water, I have fallen in. This isn't right, what am I saying? Nothing is making a bit of sense. I am so happy to finally get out, I'm finally free, somebody please help me. My ears are ringing, my head is dizzy, I am unsure why, but I can see them laughing. My body goes into shock and this I cannot speak

"I am lost, and the angels have guided me." 

My friendly neighbors buckle down to their knees as they roll out with evil laughter. My head sticks with blood spots although I feel completely dry. Whispers to the right and to the left ring loudly in my ears as they burn it into my head,

"She's fucking crazy." 

    People I used to laugh with, people I sat down to have a sip of coffee with, people who I helped give love and comfort, wiped their tears as they cried, people I thought were kind, burned a hole through my empty chest. My head leans back as it wobbles, I have shaken, I have panicked, but I still try to speak. I cannot talk so I try to type it out, it does not come out, I cannot for the life of me, tell you. I tried, and I tried but it will not come out in the right ways, my throat is tight, and I feel like I need to cry, but water does not pour. I am stuck inside.

    I reach for the collar of the large man, "Help me, find the girl with the dark nails, the fair skin and the crystal marbled jewels." Although, that is not what I said. The tv overhead is changing colors as it annoys my eyesight. The people laughing and chiming in, break my broken soul. My arms feel like they have nailed to the floor as the people I once knew jump and stomp upon them. Their bellies are big as they are heavier with laughter. These people I thought were filled with good hearts and kindness actually seem to be extremely rude. I'm back but I did not come back as myself. I am stuck inside.

    I walked through the door for love, and I did not even find it, I lost my way, and I'm trapped inside this broken maze. Papers an inch thick fall upon my broken soul as I can see the flashes of laughter from the ones I used to call a friend. I had no one in the past and I have no one in the future. Everything is revolving, I lose my head in the days that spin. I'm trying to remember the things that I see, but I can't. 

     My head is dizzy, I am spinning out of control. The coffee shop is busy with ignorant laughter as they stuff their large bellies with blueberry scones. The talk of the chit chat expands as the room becomes hotter. I am choking to breathe, and they all enjoy stepping upon me. Rumors bounce from table to table about the girl who is crazy. I haven't risen from the belly flop; I am stuck to the floor. I am drenched in tears and in sweat, although I cannot recall crying. My head is hurting but my heart is screaming out in love. I am confused.  And yet, I stand alone listening to the people around myself carry on. I have given them a great laugh, they never stop talking about it, I can hear them all, I can hear everything. Their husbands tell their wives and vice versa. I am filled with exhaustion as I have not left this table. I feel as I have not left the room, my head is full, my heart hurts. I am so tired; I never sleep from the nonstop of the talking. My skin has become pale, my bones are eager to poke out as they have revealed themselves. I am so weak; they just never stop talking. 

-Micah Vincent