Dreams of the Future

   The sun was shining perfectly on the open land. My heart is content and filled with wonder, I finally have met the man of my dreams; he is here inside of my life and that is all I want and need. I watch him unexpectedly fall to his knees. He looks strong and muscular, and he is speaking to me about the reasons why he fell in love with me.  The sun is beaming down on him, even though he holds the ring I never see it until it is placed onto my finger. It is a beautiful round diamond, and my finger has never felt so heavy. I am so happy, I am so blessed, my heart is so full.

     I wanted to move my body so badly; I just could not plug my legs to align with my brain. I sat there watching my wedding day play out in front of me as I smiled in the most beautiful white gown, for what only felt like a few hours at the most. I have never seen the sun rotate or turn dark here, and I knew I had only been sitting on this stump for no longer past the thirty-minute mark to the promise I made to myself. Life was just so beautiful here and I had such a hard time parting way with it. I want to walk down the staircase, fluffing out my dress with a painted smile on my face. I want to toast with a glass of wine and sleep hard for the next three days exhausted from the giggles and dancing. I don't even know how to walk away from my dream come true, I never imagined this could happen. I am so entranced in this moment when the days short before, have been full of painful heartache. I look to see the partner although I focus on his muscular figure, I can't see a face. I skim him thoroughly to get a deeper look but all I can feel is love and heated attraction. I am careless in the moment. 

    Something has happened, a rumbling on the ground, the earth begins to shake. I fall off of the stump and I can't get the negativity from today's life out of my thought's. I'm confused and my heart is filled with sorrow maybe if I had a clear conscious thing would have looked different, I could stay on course. I'm beating my forehead with my fist and I'm pounding my chest. "Calm down!!!" I scream silently in my head as the earth beneath my shoe's travels to a crack. 

    The wedding is still there in front of myself, but it has become so distant. The roads and hills wave and rise, dirt crumbles as dust clogs inside of my eyes. I stumbled with the shakes as I try to land back to my feet, I don't remember running. I don't remember when I made the turns, I ran inside of a panic. My mind leads us inside of a war zone and now I cannot recall which way was left and which turns I crossed. I want to fall to my knees and duck my head between my legs. I want to cry, and weep, and sob. But I can't. I need to think and to breathe. My chest pitter patters as I am inside of a deathly panic.

    I am out of breath, sweat trickles down my nose, and my hands feel shaken and swollen. I have smacked my face into a red glowing door that I am certain will lead me back to continue my day. I will get ready for the next person who will not hurt me, I cannot wait to feel secure and to be wanted. I cannot wait to feel included. I cannot wait to watch him hang the photo on the wall with my face in it. I cannot wait to cook for supper and not feel hungry. I am anticipant, my hands are fiddling, blood rushes to my face and back to my toes. I feel faint. I need water, I have to leave but I am too focused on the sadness that lives inside of my head. My head feels fuzzy and my pink skin pales, my body feels like it has split and torn apart. I have broken as the pieces have nailed themselves to the floor.

The Opening from the Book of Spells

       I opened the door to something dark, something traumatic. My heart has stopped beating as I watch it bleed out on the floor. I pound the door so hard to let me out regardless that I know, there is no one on the opposite side. I am once again a child, I am a young teen, I am an adult. I am facing my fears to my phobias; I am alone in the dark. I am naked inside of the trees. I have sunken into quicksand, my eyes are blind, so I blink to regain the blank streak. I close my eyes every few minutes, bright yellow burns a hole in the dark floor. My eyes have finally opened as I realize I have sunken into a puddle of thick, clogged blood.

"Help!" I cry out of bubbles with my last few breaths. 

My hands covered in blood rise up to stare me in the face, what have I done? I've entered the wrong door that I believed to be the right one. This was the only way out. In the corner is a shadowed figure squeaking as it rocks, I hear my name whisper, and I recognize the voice.

I recognize it very well. The dark figure that used to sit on top of my lungs before bed each night.

   The heavy creature had a pot belly, he had chicken legs for bones. Burned flesh melted off of his face and he seemed to be average height but through my child eyes he was very tall. My throat gulped tightly, as I was very frightened of him. My nails clawed the ground but there was no use, I slipped inside of this blood bath. I stooped inside; I watched this play before my eyes as I was also stuck inside of myself, I am completely alone. I am locked inside of my mind, locked in the door and I cannot get out. 

Buried into my own sorrows.

"Can anyone hear me?"

I pinch myself, though there isn't a point, Because I am not asleep. 

-Micah Vincent