Introduction
The Day I Opened The Book Of Spells
My life is like a series of events,
On re-play as if I were a disk on broken record,
I have never seemed to tire of the same recurring thing until now.
Falling in love with you and I did not have a care for the worries of the world,
Let them worry,
Let them speak,
Let their eyes roll, I did not care.
I do not have time for your despitefulness, your tongues that twist, my, my, my, are they sharp, cut straight through the belly.
And though I have bled, I stood perfectly still with a grin on my face.
I did not care, for when love looks like you,
I had no worries,
I had no fear,
The blood never spilled.
I was so full of love I had no warning of the daggers that bolt straight to my heart within my blindside,
What a fool I was, to believe I could stand within a shield.
The life of recurring events, I tried to stop.
I thought feeling was enough.
Now I am standing here,
The palms of my hands are stretched out before myself,
This is where it ends,
I have forced my hands above myself so often to swim inside the portal that I once entered,
I slowly crept to the door that I was curious to open, now bolted shut. I ponder ways to walk inside without notice. I must grab my most prized possession.
I have walked away from this door, followed the path that led straight to you, in hopes you would remember,
I had pleaded you would remember who I was, before I listened to the creaking sounds down the hall, before I was lured into a dark place, before I disappeared for what seemed like only hours apart from you, what seemed only to be a short distance away from Friday night plans, tucked tightly away inside of your bed, nothing could cut this tie that bonded me straight to you.
The stars gleamed upon me and the torch of love would help me escape the trembling door that I would forever regret unlatching the hooks or stepping inside of this brokenness.
Several years have passed now.
I am breathless as I have managed to find my way out, merely escaping death, my head was damaged in ways that doctors cannot see.
I search for humanity, a ring of bells, a phone to dial for help.
Something.
Anything.
My eyes scatter the environment with a beating clock that ticks inside of my chest,
Nothing,
No one.
It is just myself and the purple carpet beneath my aching feet.
I do not remember losing you,
I do not remember what mistakes were made, what accidents I have plunged, I do not remember a clear memory since the day I have entered the book that opened the door.
Now that love has slipped my fingertips, it gushes out of my bowels, it drains out of my ears and the blood finally spills.
The knives that stake my chest finally sting and I am awake.
My body sweats in chills, drenched in dirty floods, I am stabbed with miniature prickled needles a million times.
I am soaked but my skin is dry,
My legs have wobbled, and my knees have given up.
If I am crying, nothing pours.
Endless screams echo the room of the door, I was curious to open.
I wish I could go back,
Turn myself around,
Hold you tight and refuse to walk away from this moment.
Flashbacks of memories and one would think, this would be a good thing.
Walking back to the other side of the room sounds easy but it's never that simple.
Figures and shapes haunt my screaming head,
I have ran.
My first grip the knob, I twist and pull,
It is sealed tight.
A dark tall, figured man reappears and pops his head inside of open spaces,
I run.
I have run so much that I have not stopped for breath.
The emptiness fulfills me.
I bite into desire and lick my lips, craved by sin.
Desire is the becoming of me, my legs wrap around the rope that tangle and intertwine back to you.
For the first time, in a long time I am exhilarated with pleasure that increases my heart rate and sizzles my blood to my face.
My fingernails dig into the back of your neck and the edges of your hair.
Your breath becomes my breath.
I am panting moans that kiss I love you, my nose brushes your skin,
I pull you closer,
I am dripping for you.
Slam me against the walls that tumble around me,
I cannot get enough of you.
My lips tremble and my body twitches, don't stop pushing.
Don't stop falling this hard.
The trails of love should have not led me here.
My knees are plastered to the floors,
Carpel tunnel has traveled through my boney hands,
Strands of my own hair surround the broken floor,
Decorative wine bottles are trashed,
Nail bids scattered on the tiled floor
And I lye here awake; I am filled with nothingness.
It has been several years.
My life is like a series of events that tumbles into the same repeated cycles that I cannot escape,
Loving you was the best moment to be alive and worst of all, the hardest of heart breaks.
I do not recall crawling to this empty room,
I do not recall any wording ever said to you.
My fist twist the knob until it completely falls off,
I am trapped inside of my own misery for which I have created.
It is my fault I collapsed inside the emptiness and now I have fallen so far, I cannot stand back up.
This is my dismay,
Time goes on and love will fade,
For a love so easily made
It was just as easy for you to walk away.
I am stuck inside of this emptiness, as if I were caved inside of a thick glass two-way mirror,
I can bang,
I can scream,
I can toss and turn,
Wiggle and write on the steam,
It does not matter for all is lost.
My hands sit on the heated breath fog,
But you walk away every time.
I am invisible to you and it has me question our love that I believed to be unbreakable,
Unshakeable,
Uninvadable,
Nevertheless, I love you still if not more.
I am waiting inside the dark empty space, waiting for you to open the door.
It has been several years now.
My life is like a series of events,
Tumbling in repeated cycles,
Until the day I found myself stuck in corners that no longer turn.
Stuck here for eternity,
I am like a ghost, just a small memory, a small step in your life, but you were much bigger inside of mine.
Loving you has never been enough, though it doesn't change the love that still lives here, despite the darkness in the room.
I have lost my will to fight, so I lay onto the carpet, and I believe I have become a part of it.
Forever tortured by the sight of you but it will never be returned.
I do not wish for anyone else but you to pull me out of this room,
I will lye here and wait.
-Micah Vincent
Info@splashes-of-love.com